Monday, 11 April 2016

Summary of me: the harsh but true reality

So here's my life.  My name is Teri but my friends, family and 2 of my teachers call me Tez.  My family has had a really tough time over the years but it has pulled the majority of us closer and I wouldn't be here without them. Some people seem to think my life isn't that bad or whatever but here's the truth.  THIS is why I have panic attacks. THIS is why I am depressed. But most importantly THIS is why I am so stubborn and determined to carry on and make something of my crappy life to prove to others like me that you can!

I've had problems since birth.  My mum had to fight so hard to have me after misscarrying 5 times but I'm here.  I was late walking which was later found out (as in age 15!) to be because of EDS.  I was then diagnosed with asthma at 18 months.

Next came the car crash.  My parents and I were in a near fatal car crash on 31th March 2002.  In the time after that my dad spent a week in hospital with a badly broken shoulder and concussion and some other stuff.  My mum spent about 6 months in hospital and had 36 operations and around 30 cardiac arrests along with developing MRSA and having all but 1 of her stomach muscles removed.  She now has a prolapsed disc along with a lot of other problems making me her carer.

Next came my cousins meningitis. My oldest cousin Carl developed meningitis type c and became very ill. Thank God he pulled through and is now 25 and just the same as any other 25 year old.

Next came my cousins autism diagnosis. My other cousin Adam (Carls brother) was diagnosed with severe autism which over time led to him being expelled from many schools. He's now 20 and doing great.

Next came my aunties confession she was abused.  She confessed after getting divorced that she was in an abusive relationship.

Next came my PTSD diagnosis. Thus came age 6 and to this day I have received virtually no help because there is none for kids where I live.

Next came my battle with anorexia. This is something not many know about but when I was 6 I became anorexic and refused to eat to the point my mum would have to pick me up from school at lunch and watch me eat.  Obviously I am now over that.

Then came my best friends death.  This was without a doubt the hardest thing I have ever been through. Before that I was confident and popular but within 5 minutes that all changed. I shut down and refused to talk to anyone for 2 weeks.  It was such a horrible time I've tried to block it from my memory so most of what I know has actually been my best friend telling me because I chose to suppress it until I forgot. We'll what happened after anyway.

Next came the bullying. I was bullied horrendously throughout primary by kids and teachers alike. Bullying from students then carried on in secondary and didn't really stop till year 9. 

Next came one of the worst years of my life.  On the 16th April 2011 my grandad passed away from pancreatic cancer(5 years Saturday).  On the 16th August my uncle passed away after having a heart attack and drowning while swimming on holiday. On the 16th December my great uncle passed away from alziemers.  On the 14th April 2012 (4 years Thursday) my great uncle died from chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (copd) caused by being exposed to asbestos on the railway. That was a hard year!

Next came my Dad nearly dying. Basically October 2012 he found out he had an ingrowing belly button. I won't go into stats but it's very rare and even rarer to have a problem and even rarer to nearly die from it.  it meant his belly button and bowel didn't join properly cause a benign (non cancerous) tumour. At the same time my mum took a turn for the worst and ended up back in her wheelchair and I missed 2 weeks off school to care for her and my dad when he came out after a 10 day hospital stay. 

Next came my breakdown. From January 2013 I started getting ill picking up an new illness every week getting progressively worse until about May when one day I woke up and was so tired and in such pain I couldn't move. We left it but 3 days later I was no better and because my attendance was so low I had to get a doctors note from school so off to the doctors I went.  I saw a useless doctor who told me I had ME and that was it. No test, no help. At the time we thought that was what my grandad had but that is another story so we knew a bit about it.  My mum got in touch with some people that could help but first I needed a blood test but I had a severe phobia of needles.  I worked with the play therapist at the hospital to get over it but it took a while.  By mid to late June I was back at school doing 2 hours 3 days a week on a good week but it was a while before this actually happened.  By July I was able to have finger pricks done and I was able to go to see a doctor in Bath who promptly told me it wasn't ME and that she thought it could have been a brain tumour and I may have to stay the night in hospital.  I followed this up by running out the hospital and into the centre of Bath with no idea where I was going!  I was rushed to Bristol childrens hospital where they said it wasn't but I did need extensive tests.  I refused to stay the night and was sent home but made to come back. It was at this point Bristol became my second home and I now know it pretty well! For the next few months I was back and forth and was eventually told I'd had a breakdown and that I also had fibromyalgia and polycystic ovarian syndrome. 

Next came my battle with self harm. I started December 2014 and although the worst had stopped by December 2015 I have once this year but that was a month ago and it was a one off. Until recently only 4 people knew, 3 I told and 1 well she saw but I would have preferred she didn't know!  I am now getting help and I am much more open about it as it is now in my past.

Now cut to January 2016.  I found something amazing!  Music!  It was at this point I started singing and playing guitar and it saved my life!  I honestly wouldn't be here without it!

So that's it! That's my life!

Well minus a few bits but that's the main bits you need to know to understand my blog.