Friday, 24 March 2017

Relationships and PTSD

So its fair to say I gave up on this blog but it has been for good reason.  When I started this I started it for fun and for a way for my brain to let out exactly what its feeling but gradually with people finding this blog it became a pressure and when my teachers found it, I had to delete a lot of posts and be more restrictive in what I wrote and that is why I'm letting this blog go.  I won't shut it down but the chances are i won't continue to post and if i do it will be crap that popped into my head like this will be which i don't expect people to actually read.

Anyway...

Before I go I wanted to talk about something that hasn't really affected me while i have been writing this blog but does now.  Relationships. I'm shit at them.  I push people away far too much and convince myself the world hates me and I'm safer on my own but the thing is now I'm not.  Now I have someone there but I just make it difficult.  Whenever i have a bad day i doubt he gives a shit about me and i try to push him away.  Now I'm the luckiest girl alive because he doesn't go.  He sits there and puts up with my bullshit.

I don't know if he will ever see this, part of me hopes he does but part of me wants to stop writing and delete everything now in case he does but i have one thing to say and its more for me than him.  If you are reading this i just want to say that i know i don't say it much and i know a lot of the time i certainly don't act like it but I love you!  I really do.  I love the fact you make me laugh, i love how sweet you are and i love the fact that you refuse to leave when i tell you to go.  I know it's hard and i know you tell me all the time its going to get better but sometimes i find it hard to believe.  I love you and I'm sorry for the shit I've put you through.

Well that's it.  I'm signing out again and I won't be checking stats or anything anymore.  If you really wanna continue to read me bitch about the world ill leave my twitter down below.

Personal twitter - @chronic_tez23
music twitter - @musicbytez